Does Beauty Speak of a Good God Who Loves You?
Note: This is a condensed, edited excerpt of a longer letter I addressed to my former cohost, Lucrezia from Italy. If you’d like to listen to that episode which provides more context for this post, you can do so here.
Does beauty speak of a good God who loves you? Who sees you?
I went to a Christian conference this past week and while I was there, I was constantly pondering this question about beauty. Not only was I researching and presenting on the topic of beauty and God, and talking to my peers and young women about it, but in my own times of quiet, I found myself asking the same question.
Does beauty speak of a good God who loves me?
I know naturalists and atheists have tried to dismiss the objective existence and subjective experience of beauty as strictly an evolutionary phenomenon. But not surprisingly, it’s been a real struggle for them. Natural selection operates on the idea of survival of the fittest; Everyone for themselves.
Instead of moving us into competitive action, beauty does the opposite. It invites us to pause. It compels us to wonder.
When we stop to experience something beautiful, something inside each one of us positively responds. In fact, psychologists often use the very visualization of beauty to help clients process pain and suffering.
Close your eyes and imagine something beautiful… Just for a moment even… There’s something special about that experience, yes?
You see, beauty has benefits.
Beauty settles. It stirs. To imagine something beautiful is to take a deep breath, calm down, and reflect.
Beauty leads to giving thanks. Modern psychologists and researchers will confirm what theologians and philosophers have been saying for centuries: To focus on that which is beautiful turns our minds outside of ourselves, toward something greater. Gratitude, rest, and longing for more are the outcomes.
CS Lewis, who wrote “the Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe” said, ”It was when I was happiest that I longed most. The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing to find the place where all the beauty came from.”
Longing, without God is endless. It’s a disappointing pursuit of other things, accolades, accomplishments, adoration, money, and power- things that leave us empty.
Even someone as wealthy, powerful and adored as Taylor Swift alludes to this. In the recent Netflix documentary about her life, she confessed, “I had won album of the year at the Grammys for a second time... and I remember thinking afterwards, 'Oh my god, that was all you wanted!... That was all you focused on. You get to the mountaintop and look around and you're like... what now?"
But longing, with God, is an invitation to something more- something that satisfies and fills.
“You have made us for yourself O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” ~St. Augustine
But the truth is, I haven’t always trusted God with being enough for my longings. I haven’t always gazed upon His beauty. Or any beauty for that matter. Instead, I had a tendency to gaze inward. Although I’ve wanted Christ from as far back as I can remember, I struggled to get over myself. There were times where when I felt especially anxious and wondered about my place in the world. I struggled with rejection. I couldn’t understand how God could help someone who secretly felt like a throwaway person.
One of the first people I remember who helped me see beauty- who really helped me fight some of those lies, someone who saw me, outside of my family, was a kind, gentle, strong, Jesus-loving woman named Jeaneece. The other person was her incredible husband and co-partner in ministry, Jonathan. I was thirteen years old when I started getting involved in the youth group they led. I was aching for someone to see me. I remember having my insecurities drowned in love, acceptance, and joy. Simply put, the beauty of their lives was compelling. I wanted what they had. If Jesus Christ treated people the way Jonathan and Jeaneece did and he could fill my life with joy like he did theirs, I was in.
But there’s only so much filling up that another human can provide, right? And even though I tried to love Jesus, my longings continued and I didn’t give all of that to Him. I went looking for more love in other places. It would take me another fifteen years or so of searching for fulfillment somewhere else to hit a sort of bottom and finally come to the conclusion: it was either going to be God (meaning I could trust what the Bible says that He loves and sees me and He’s enough), or I would continue being miserable and torn as I searched for fulfillment elsewhere. I chose to be all in. I’ve never regretted the decision to follow Christ. But I’m human and I’ve continued to wrestle with Him every day since.
I met a lovely woman named Navada on the rooftop of the hotel this past weekend and I told her briefly about some of my journey. She asked, “So… Where do you land now?”
My answer to her was something like this: “There’s nothing and no one like Jesus.”
I sincerely believe Christ is the answer to this world but sincerity doesn’t mean it’s true. Many sincere people are sincerely wrong. My story, although meaningful, is my story. I believe there is truth and I want to know what it is. So the question becomes is Christianity actually true? Is there a good God who loves us? Did He really send His son into this world to die for our sins so we could be right with Him for eternity? Did Jesus really rise from the dead? Is there absolute truth, absolute goodness, and absolute beauty? Is there good evidence to believe all of this?
I don’t want to share lies. I want to share the way, the truth, and the life. Jesus claimed to be all of those things (John 14:6). Is Jesus telling the truth? Is He REAL?
And maybe if I hadn’t been through seasons of wandering, wondering, and hurting, I wouldn’t be so fixated on the truth thing. I’ve even heard it said that most people aren’t on a truth quest, they're on a happiness quest. But thank God, I never found any real satisfaction in happiness elsewhere. By the time I was in my late twenties and my husband wasn’t the answer to my heart’s longings and we’d had several miscarriages and the pain of loss and infertility made me question everything… I needed to know the truth about reality.
One night I turned to my husband and quietly asked him (this after years of being a Christian), “Are you sure there’s a God? What if all we believe is a lie?”
He said something that I’ll never forget. “Janell,” he said, “I’ve been a high school science teacher for years. I know that for every action there’s a reaction. I know there’s evil in the world. That means there’s goodness.”
Enter something called “apologetics.” Apologetics just means to be prepared with reasons for the hope that you have and to share those things in gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15). I started listening to people who talked about things like history, science, and philosophy in relationship with Jesus Christ. And my mind was blown with what some people call an “embarrassment of riches” for reasons I could know Christianity is true. It was all there for me to discover.
Fast forward to starting the Finding Something REAL podcast. I wanted to share the love and truth of Jesus Christ with young women, who maybe like me, have struggled with hard things and questions. When I was at CIA (the apologetics conference I went to last week) I gave a presentation about beauty, one where I started with a pink slide, referenced the Barbie movie and quoted Taylor Swift.
Everyone I met this past week was gracious, uniquely gifted, and inspiring. But it was clear that my presentation was a bit of a unicorn. So I put a a framed picture of girls I love on the seat in front of me so I could remember my ideal audience. This was for the girl in the proverbial back pew. The girl I could relate to because of my past. The girl God has given me a passion to serve.
Finding Something REAL is about building bridges. From the girl with questions to a person can address her questions. I want her to hear of how God fulfills our deepest longings. I want to share His love, and of course the reason and evidences to believe that! But before she can hear those things, she needs to be heard, and before she can be heard, she needs to be seen. Being seen is beautiful.
The thing is, sometimes I still struggle with the feeling seen thing. It’s one of those toxic lies perpetuated by the enemy of our souls who tells us we’re invisible or no one cares.
God, Himself, is the only one who fills our longings. He really sees us. He is the ultimate truth, the ultimate goodness, and the ultimate beauty. And resting in Him is enough. Like King David said in Psalm 27:4, “One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple.”
And this is an invitation. As King David goes onto say about the LORD in verse 8, “My heart has heard you say, Come and talk with me.’ And my heart responds, ‘LORD, I am coming.”
Hundreds of years later, Jesus would say (as recorded in Matthew 11:28), “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
When we recognize His ultimate sacrifice and accept His invitation of forgiveness and restoration, we do find rest. There is an end to the striving in His presence, in His truth, goodness, and beauty.
I tested that theory out again this week and what happened was a dramatic reminder. Spolier alert: Jesus doesn’t lie.
Over and over again, in trusting Him, I kept seeing evidences of His beauty every where. I saw His beauty most this past week in being seen.
From the moment I arrived in Albuquerque, I experienced acceptance and invitation. From Erin who went out of her way to make sure I always was included, to Stan who kept helping me with my bags, to Brett who took time to give me further critique and encouragement, to Heath who graciously provided for my dietary restrictions, to Phoenix who offered to help me in more ways than one, to Kevin who helped me record my presentation, to Sharon who allowed me to pray with her and texted with fun spontaneous plans, to Brittany who became a friend, to Allen who spent fifteen minutes transferring and formatting my presentation onto his computer when my tech equipment failed, to the kind Jennifers whose dinner plans included me, to Alisa who went out of her way to encourage me, to Jorge and Diego who made sure I had a ride and spent over an hour answering my questions, to a room full of strangers turned friends who called out the best in me, to Heather and her husband, Jacob who spent time listening to my heart behind Finding Something REAL and suggesting some possible solutions, to Jaden who made a way, to Greg who gave me his undivided attention when I asked about possible ministry connections, to Lori who tenderly shared the desires of her heart, to Oscar, who recorded me overcoming my fears as I stepped out to answer tough questions in front of a large audience, to Ty who is the easiest person to be around, and on and on and on and on…. How could I not see the beauty of God through the kindness of people? And I’m probably forgetting people in that list, but over and over again, God was showing His beauty to me through the eyes of His people.
And after so many reminders of how God really sees and loves me this past week- I was overflowing with gratitude which in turn, gave me eyes to look for others. I had so many sweet conversations with people I met outside of the conference- real people with real stories.
And then on Sunday, I got to see Jeaneece, the woman, who was one of the first persons, outside of my family, who really saw me. She showed me a beautiful example of faith, truth, and the compelling beauty of God’s love and acceptance.
It’d been about 25 years ago that Jonathan and Jeaneece were my youth pastors and ten years since I saw her last, and four years since Jonathan passed away in a tragic car accident. She came and picked me at my hotel. She was radiant as always and to tell you the truth, I was a mess. By then the sleep deprivation of a busy week had caught up with me. I couldn’t stop crying up until five minutes before I left to go meet her. How could I ever express my gratitude to this woman? Especially when I couldn’t control my emotions and just the thought of her brought me to tears?
We hugged each other and she immediately set me at ease. She acknowledged that our time together would be emotional and that would be okay. We laughed and cried the whole time. What stood out to me most was how my foggy memories from twenty-five years ago were validated. I remembered that she was intentional about seeing me. And she did the same thing to everyone we encountered. She was gracious and present and interested in getting to know them. Not many people do that kind of thing well.
But Jeaneece modeled that to me 25 years ago, and she was modeling it before me now. She had told me she wanted to take me someplace special and set apart. So we drove, long past the 10 minute radius/concrete freeway corridor I’d been inside for the past week. We drove out about half an hour to a beautiful restaurant. Its white stucco, wood beams, rocks, flowers and design were absolutely beautiful. The restaurant was large and Jeaneece had made a reservation on the back outdoor patio. But our table wasn’t ready so we stepped back outside. A group of young adult girls who had just finished their yoga class asked for a photo in front of the restaurant. After we helped them, I turned around. I saw one man standing before me. A familiar face.
It was Neil, a pastor I had previously met at the conference. He had been kind to a friend and me. But the church was about 30 minutes away. The conference was over. I wasn’t expecting to see anybody I knew. He was standing alone and I instantly bubbled over.
I couldn’t believe this! What are the chances? Someone who had been intentional with me just days before I was now introducing to one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. I don’t know what I said, but I’m pretty sure it sounded like, “THIS WOMAN CHANGED MY LIFE! Because she and her husband loved Jesus and they were used for Him… SHE SAW ME!”
Neil said he was waiting for the head pastor, and two of the conference’s main speakers, Frank Turek and Alisa Childers. He wondered if they would know me. “YES!”
And sure enough, a few minutes later, when more familiar faces arrived, I was at it again! I was bubbling over with excitement. Deep down, I knew that no words would ever fully encapsulate the gratitude I held for this woman, who all those years ago loved me so well.
I made an off-handed remark about it being awkward as we parted ways and we slid into the restaurant. But Alisa turned around and said something like, “It’s not awkward. It’s beautiful. It’s obvious this woman means a lot to you.”
Later I told Jeaneece, I have always compared every person in ministry to her and Jonathan. To which she told me I probably shouldn’t and I said I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Because to see people. Really see people. Be present with them. Love on them. Tell them about the truth, beauty, and goodness of God… That’s what matters.
And while I deeply admire leaders who’ve been called to big crowds, not all of us are. And there is an incredible beauty in people who humbly step forward in faith to love just one person at a time. And no matter how big of a platform Finding Something REAL becomes- whether it stays small or grows so that more young women know there’s a space like this- I learned the practice of intentional seeing from Jonathan and Jeaneece.
I’ll link a sermon Jonathan gave near the end of his life here in case you want to hear more about the beauty he and Jeaneece possessed that pierced my soul. Jonathan’s message about knowing the love of God starts around the 20 minute mark.
My takeaways from a week away discovering beauty all around me that kept speaking to the love of God:
My prayer is to keep my eyes on Him, to ask for eyes to really see people, to speak of and share His beauty until my time on this side of eternity is over and I see Jesus face-to-face..
God is good. He is true. He is beautiful.
I’ll close my eyes and rest in that.
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